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Oh no! God no!

I am craving a cigarette so badly right now it almost physically hurts. My throat is tight, my chest is tight and my breath is short. I’m almost panting at the thought of smoking! I can’t figure out why either. Nothings happened, there isn’t any particular or different stresses today. I do feel as though an anxiety attack is coming on, but I don’t know if I am anxious because I want a smoke or if I want a smoke because I am feeling anxious for some reason. I suppose it could be both. A vicious cycle.

……It’s the devil plotting my failure, I can feel it. Tempting me over my right shoulder, weakening my defenses….

See! I am hallucinating now!

This is really bad. Ok. Deep breaths. Yes. Go. Get. Lozenge. NOW!

I think its passing. Wtf? It’s been so long already, and I thought the worst of the cravings were behind me, and all of a sudden out of no where, it hits me upside the head. Minding my own business, making my bedtime cuppa tea and WHAMMO! I want a smoke. I physically ache for a smoke. Do you know that, at this stage of my quitting, physically aching for a smoke is physically impossible. It’s a mental pain translated into physical pain. My own brain is messing with my head. That is just wrong people.

Sometimes it feels like I can’t do anything right and no matter how hard I try, I always seem to miss my mark. I haven’t smoked yet, though! Maybe this time I’ll get my touchdown!

I feel tired now. Time for tea and bed.

G’night.

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