If you’ve never heard Anastasia, I suggest you take a moment out to hear some of her stuff. She rocks! She says the things that one would say if they could put them so eloquently. Now, I am talking about bad relationships, being hurt by men. But, you see, this is how I’ve spent 90% of my adult life. So, I can relate to her earthy, honest sound.Ok, so on to the reason I am sitting here this morning with my steaming coffee and my steaming temper as well.I am all for understanding someone’s disappoint, someone’s strifes. I can totally relate to having to work through major upsets in life. What I can’t seem to wrap my little brain around is, THE DRAMA! Ok, and what I am referring to with drama is the circle that some people insist on creating around them after something disappointing has happened. Ok, in this particular situation, the disappointed is a co-worker who wanted to job I ended up getting. Ok. That’s life. GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER IT! That’s just my personal feeling.Even if you can’t grant us all the serenity of quietly shutting up and dealing like an adult, then at least keep the drama to a minimal where it only infests you and those who choose to be involved. Wow. This whole thing has taken on this disgusting life of it’s own. It’s almost as though you would think I had put poison in this person’s coffee and now she’s got one week to live. The other drama queens in the store have rallied around her, to offer support and a friend.  BARF, CHOKE , GAG, BARF! Ok, and the funniest part? Half these people who are “rallying” have talked more shit behind this person’s back than you can imagine! I am just flabbergasted! I am nauseated. I am , tired.  Every department I go into, I hear one of two things. I either hear about how much I have hurt this person who wanted my job. How devastated she is that I would stab her in the back like that. (That, too, is still leaving me with a lot of confusion, because I didn’t realize that getting a job because you’re actually a better candidate was stabbing someone in the back......) I also hear how there is inevitably somebody in that department whom also wanted the job I got and they are extremely pissed and bitter that I got the job. Jeeze.Yesterday, I got to the point where as soon as somebody would open their mouth in regards to my new position, I would run away screaming with my hands covering my ears, saying repeatedly “I can’t hear you!”. I would hide in the meat cooler for 20 minutes. I can’t handle it.The other thing I am having a hard time with is keeping my mouth shut. Ok, so this whole thing has caused more of a stir than the thought of condoms in the schools among the PTA. I am not one to be stabbed in the back and NOT open my mouth to the person holding the knife. There is one person in particular whom I will be working with extremely closely, and have worked closely with for years, that stabbed me during this whole thing and I’d like to rip her tongue out and feed it to her on the railroad tracks while I am tightening the ropes. (Is that too much?)But, seriously. She’s a rodent. She reminds me of a big New York rat. I’d love to flatten her. If I run my mouth, throw my attitude, freeze her world completely, then I am simply making more difficulties for myself in the long run because of the proximity to which we will be working. Besides the fact, she’s a historical artifact there. She’s been there longer than God has been spinning the planet on his middle finger like a basketball. She’s not going anywhere. Starting even more friction at this point would only cause long term stress. I am kind of stuck in the place where I am just going to hope that this will blow over eventually and leave it at that. Although, what I really want to do is scratch her eyes out.This would be a great place for Lioness to enter. This is where she could show up and beat the hell outta someone, give them a warning, and no body would know who she was!  ::insert evil laugh here:: Ok, maybe that’s not the greatest idea either, but it sure would be effective. (No, I’m not bitter at the moment or anything......really.)I was told I should be “ashamed” of taking a job I am not qualified for. NOT QUALIFIED?! I’ve spent 4 years working in that office. I am just as “qualified” as anyone else in there, maybe more so because of my people skills as a whole. I was also told that I’ve done nothing but fuck up everything I’ve tried to do in the past couple of years. Ok, I am not a fool. I can admit that as far as grocery management goes, I wasn’t the man for the job. I jumped in with both feet, gave it all I had to the point that I am permanently physically damaged from it, and I still didn’t cut it. Yea, I chose to get out while the gettin’ was good. So what. That’s what a smart person does.Last night I’d had it with the negativity and the bull shit floating around me because of this job change. I snapped at everyone, told 3 people where to get off the planet in no uncertain terms, and generally vented all over the place. I had people looking at me like I’d completely lost it. Well, I had and it was my own fault. I allowed them to get to me like that. I know better, I just don’t deal well with drama like that in such large doses. One of many faults, one I will be working on a little harder. Just not today.Today, I am going to lunch with my friends, enjoy vegetating in my home with my family, and relax. I am done being thrown in the middle of the drama, for now. I just hope that He doesn’t come home in a drama inducing mood. If so, I will be going to bed early tonight.

*NOTE:: See photo to your left <----. Make your own deductions from there.

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If you’ve never heard Anastasia, I suggest you take a moment out to hear some of her stuff. She rocks! She says the things that one would say if they could put them so eloquently. Now, I am talking about bad relationships, being hurt by men. But, you see, this is how I’ve spent 90% of my adult life. So, I can relate to her earthy, honest sound.Ok, so on to the reason I am sitting here this morning with my steaming coffee and my steaming temper as well.I am all for understanding someone’s disappoint, someone’s strifes. I can totally relate to having to work through major upsets in life. What I can’t seem to wrap my little brain around is, THE DRAMA! Ok, and what I am referring to with drama is the circle that some people insist on creating around them after something disappointing has happened. Ok, in this particular situation, the disappointed is a co-worker who wanted to job I ended up getting. Ok. That’s life. GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER IT! That’s just my personal feeling.Even if you can’t grant us all the serenity of quietly shutting up and dealing like an adult, then at least keep the drama to a minimal where it only infests you and those who choose to be involved. Wow. This whole thing has taken on this disgusting life of it’s own. It’s almost as though you would think I had put poison in this person’s coffee and now she’s got one week to live. The other drama queens in the store have rallied around her, to offer support and a friend.  BARF, CHOKE , GAG, BARF! Ok, and the funniest part? Half these people who are “rallying” have talked more shit behind this person’s back than you can imagine! I am just flabbergasted! I am nauseated. I am , tired.  Every department I go into, I hear one of two things. I either hear about how much I have hurt this person who wanted my job. How devastated she is that I would stab her in the back like that. (That, too, is still leaving me with a lot of confusion, because I didn’t realize that getting a job because you’re actually a better candidate was stabbing someone in the back......) I also hear how there is inevitably somebody in that department whom also wanted the job I got and they are extremely pissed and bitter that I got the job. Jeeze.Yesterday, I got to the point where as soon as somebody would open their mouth in regards to my new position, I would run away screaming with my hands covering my ears, saying repeatedly “I can’t hear you!”. I would hide in the meat cooler for 20 minutes. I can’t handle it.The other thing I am having a hard time with is keeping my mouth shut. Ok, so this whole thing has caused more of a stir than the thought of condoms in the schools among the PTA. I am not one to be stabbed in the back and NOT open my mouth to the person holding the knife. There is one person in particular whom I will be working with extremely closely, and have worked closely with for years, that stabbed me during this whole thing and I’d like to rip her tongue out and feed it to her on the railroad tracks while I am tightening the ropes. (Is that too much?)But, seriously. She’s a rodent. She reminds me of a big New York rat. I’d love to flatten her. If I run my mouth, throw my attitude, freeze her world completely, then I am simply making more difficulties for myself in the long run because of the proximity to which we will be working. Besides the fact, she’s a historical artifact there. She’s been there longer than God has been spinning the planet on his middle finger like a basketball. She’s not going anywhere. Starting even more friction at this point would only cause long term stress. I am kind of stuck in the place where I am just going to hope that this will blow over eventually and leave it at that. Although, what I really want to do is scratch her eyes out.This would be a great place for Lioness to enter. This is where she could show up and beat the hell outta someone, give them a warning, and no body would know who she was!  ::insert evil laugh here:: Ok, maybe that’s not the greatest idea either, but it sure would be effective. (No, I’m not bitter at the moment or anything......really.)I was told I should be “ashamed” of taking a job I am not qualified for. NOT QUALIFIED?! I’ve spent 4 years working in that office. I am just as “qualified” as anyone else in there, maybe more so because of my people skills as a whole. I was also told that I’ve done nothing but fuck up everything I’ve tried to do in the past couple of years. Ok, I am not a fool. I can admit that as far as grocery management goes, I wasn’t the man for the job. I jumped in with both feet, gave it all I had to the point that I am permanently physically damaged from it, and I still didn’t cut it. Yea, I chose to get out while the gettin’ was good. So what. That’s what a smart person does.Last night I’d had it with the negativity and the bull shit floating around me because of this job change. I snapped at everyone, told 3 people where to get off the planet in no uncertain terms, and generally vented all over the place. I had people looking at me like I’d completely lost it. Well, I had and it was my own fault. I allowed them to get to me like that. I know better, I just don’t deal well with drama like that in such large doses. One of many faults, one I will be working on a little harder. Just not today.Today, I am going to lunch with my friends, enjoy vegetating in my home with my family, and relax. I am done being thrown in the middle of the drama, for now. I just hope that He doesn’t come home in a drama inducing mood. If so, I will be going to bed early tonight.

*NOTE:: See photo to your left <----. Make your own deductions from there.

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...”Too bad that old grade school mantra isn’t so true. Words, sometimes, can hurt you even worse than sticks and stones. People know this, too. People clearly realize the intense power that words do have over others. I see it day in and day out. People everywhere doing their best to try and hurt, undermine, or belittle with words.How do you faggetaboutit, when some one leaves you stinging? Usual reaction, for me, is to fire back, being meaner and more hurtful. I’ve grown up a lot over the past few years.And I can stop and realize that most of the time, the stingers are thrown out of the author’s own anger, hurt, feelings of betrayal in one form or another. So, what they’ve said may not necessarily be how they truly feel, rather simply their way of venting these negative feelings they’ve got inside.Does that excuse the stinging words? No. One should be adult enough to realize that such a juvenile expression of anger is inappropriate. Should it, however, make it easier for the recipient of the stinging words to let them slide in one ear and out the other without any real emotional damage left behind? I think it should. Now, only if I could live that same thought process.The fact of the matter is, even if what is said, is said strictly out of anger in the heat of the moment, it was still said. It is still detrimental to a certain level simply because the words have seen the light of day. Once they’ve been said, it’s very hard to take them back, truly.Friend or relative, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, please don’t ever say things that are going to sting irrevocably. Becareful little lips what you say. You don’t want to permanently sting somebody you care about just because of a temporary emotion.

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...”Too bad that old grade school mantra isn’t so true. Words, sometimes, can hurt you even worse than sticks and stones. People know this, too. People clearly realize the intense power that words do have over others. I see it day in and day out. People everywhere doing their best to try and hurt, undermine, or belittle with words.How do you faggetaboutit, when some one leaves you stinging? Usual reaction, for me, is to fire back, being meaner and more hurtful. I’ve grown up a lot over the past few years.And I can stop and realize that most of the time, the stingers are thrown out of the author’s own anger, hurt, feelings of betrayal in one form or another. So, what they’ve said may not necessarily be how they truly feel, rather simply their way of venting these negative feelings they’ve got inside.Does that excuse the stinging words? No. One should be adult enough to realize that such a juvenile expression of anger is inappropriate. Should it, however, make it easier for the recipient of the stinging words to let them slide in one ear and out the other without any real emotional damage left behind? I think it should. Now, only if I could live that same thought process.The fact of the matter is, even if what is said, is said strictly out of anger in the heat of the moment, it was still said. It is still detrimental to a certain level simply because the words have seen the light of day. Once they’ve been said, it’s very hard to take them back, truly.Friend or relative, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, please don’t ever say things that are going to sting irrevocably. Becareful little lips what you say. You don’t want to permanently sting somebody you care about just because of a temporary emotion.

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It is official! I finally got confirmation today that the office manager job is mine! Oh YES! Goodbye management, goodbye grocery, hello to my children and a normal life!!!Oh, this is the biggest relief! I can actually play “real” mommy from now on! Oh, for the moment, all is right with the world! I am going to have a beer, sit outside and enjoy life, then tuck myself cozily into bed with dreams of cooking and doing homework, dancing in my head!Won’t you please join me for a celebratory beer???

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It is official! I finally got confirmation today that the office manager job is mine! Oh YES! Goodbye management, goodbye grocery, hello to my children and a normal life!!!Oh, this is the biggest relief! I can actually play “real” mommy from now on! Oh, for the moment, all is right with the world! I am going to have a beer, sit outside and enjoy life, then tuck myself cozily into bed with dreams of cooking and doing homework, dancing in my head!Won’t you please join me for a celebratory beer???

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Dreams are funny creatures. Sneaking in and out during even the deepest of sleeps, barely noticeable, they leave a definite mark at times. Of course, there are those times that they leave nary a hint of their presence. Last night they left foot prints all over my face again.I don’t remember dreams often. I seem to cling to the bad dreams, and here lately only one in particular. It’s the kind that when you wake up, you’re in a cold sweat, out of breath, and sometimes even crying.I seem to always be running, from one place to another, only to find the building my youngest and I just stepped out of collapsing. Each building we enter and in turn leave, collapses just seconds after we have left it. It seems that there is some force, some danger always on our trail, and that we barely escape death each time.Doesn’t sound like much, does it? It’s the feeling of fear, deep and real, that is embedded into my mind. My heart races as I try to save her life, and my own. I am at a loss because I don’t know what to do to keep my little girl from harm, so I run, and I run hard, with her in protectively in my arms. Sweating, out of breath, terrified and tears streaming down my face I awake each time running for her room, to make sure she’s still there and ok.The fear keeps me from falling back to sleep again. No matter what time it is the dream occurs, sleep never comes again that night.Are we always simply running? Dodging death at every turn, only we don’t think about it, we don’t see it in our daily lives?Or, am I simply loosing it?

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Dreams are funny creatures. Sneaking in and out during even the deepest of sleeps, barely noticeable, they leave a definite mark at times. Of course, there are those times that they leave nary a hint of their presence. Last night they left foot prints all over my face again.I don’t remember dreams often. I seem to cling to the bad dreams, and here lately only one in particular. It’s the kind that when you wake up, you’re in a cold sweat, out of breath, and sometimes even crying.I seem to always be running, from one place to another, only to find the building my youngest and I just stepped out of collapsing. Each building we enter and in turn leave, collapses just seconds after we have left it. It seems that there is some force, some danger always on our trail, and that we barely escape death each time.Doesn’t sound like much, does it? It’s the feeling of fear, deep and real, that is embedded into my mind. My heart races as I try to save her life, and my own. I am at a loss because I don’t know what to do to keep my little girl from harm, so I run, and I run hard, with her in protectively in my arms. Sweating, out of breath, terrified and tears streaming down my face I awake each time running for her room, to make sure she’s still there and ok.The fear keeps me from falling back to sleep again. No matter what time it is the dream occurs, sleep never comes again that night.Are we always simply running? Dodging death at every turn, only we don’t think about it, we don’t see it in our daily lives?Or, am I simply loosing it?

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[Listening to: Freak Of Nature - Freak Of Nature (03:40)]

Ok, so I changed the look again. Sue me. You know when you’re just not happy with something? And it bugs you and bugs you until you figure it out and fix it?Well, that’s how I felt about the look and feel of my blog. ICK.So, I’ve been surfin’. I’ve been searching for a blog template that I actually liked, and well, you guessed it, I found one.Wow, can’t pull one over on you, can I?So, I’ve been sitting here for hours, plugging in code all over the place to get my stuff just so. I must say, I am awefully proud! It’s been a long time since I’ve done this much coding, and it’s turned out stupendous! If I do say so myself!Now, maybe I can unglue my J-Lo booty from this damned chair and head myself to bed.....It’s been a long day, and my back is killing me.Sleep tight.

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[Listening to: Freak Of Nature - Freak Of Nature (03:40)]

Ok, so I changed the look again. Sue me. You know when you’re just not happy with something? And it bugs you and bugs you until you figure it out and fix it?Well, that’s how I felt about the look and feel of my blog. ICK.So, I’ve been surfin’. I’ve been searching for a blog template that I actually liked, and well, you guessed it, I found one.Wow, can’t pull one over on you, can I?So, I’ve been sitting here for hours, plugging in code all over the place to get my stuff just so. I must say, I am awefully proud! It’s been a long time since I’ve done this much coding, and it’s turned out stupendous! If I do say so myself!Now, maybe I can unglue my J-Lo booty from this damned chair and head myself to bed.....It’s been a long day, and my back is killing me.Sleep tight.

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