Alas, I have a sunburnOne of which I cannot speak.The irritation is growing rapidlyWhat shall happen should it peak?!Gnawing silently from withinThis secret sunburn I do holdHell’s fires know no such furyAs if this secret should be told.Protecting it as satan’s candyHolding it deep withinShould this sunburn’s source be knownWould be the ultimate sin.Miserably I remind myselfRelief shan’t be found in exposureI must protect this sacred heartFrom an untimely disclosure.Yet, I yearnFor that which I cannot tasteWithin myself I withdraw this acheTo silence this sunburn without haste.MLS6/7/04Copywritten

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Alas, I have a sunburnOne of which I cannot speak.The irritation is growing rapidlyWhat shall happen should it peak?!Gnawing silently from withinThis secret sunburn I do holdHell’s fires know no such furyAs if this secret should be told.Protecting it as satan’s candyHolding it deep withinShould this sunburn’s source be knownWould be the ultimate sin.Miserably I remind myselfRelief shan’t be found in exposureI must protect this sacred heartFrom an untimely disclosure.Yet, I yearnFor that which I cannot tasteWithin myself I withdraw this acheTo silence this sunburn without haste.MLS6/7/04Copywritten

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“I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.” - Leo RostenThink about that. Isn’t it truly those whom are feeling no self worth that put others down? Isn’t it those that hold no self esteem, no high regard, no self respect, that seem to be happier when making someone else feel small?It’s hard to remember when you’re catching the fall......

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“I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.” - Leo RostenThink about that. Isn’t it truly those whom are feeling no self worth that put others down? Isn’t it those that hold no self esteem, no high regard, no self respect, that seem to be happier when making someone else feel small?It’s hard to remember when you’re catching the fall......

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“Excuse me, ma’am, but, don’t you have anything colder?"I looked at the prim and proper woman standing in front of me feeling as though I’d just stepped out of reality and into an episode of the Twilight Zone.She repeated her question as she shoved the bag of Crystal ice toward me as if to illiterate her question.....Colder than ice? Isn’t ice just about the coldest? She claimed the ice I had offered her was “half melted”. I held up the bag to examine the frozen little pellets of water. Half melted would indicate a bag half full of water. There was no free standing water, only frozen water pellets. “No, ma’am, I think we are out of the really cold stuff today."She huffed and claimed she would be shopping at Fry’s from now on if we can’t even offer decent ice!!!Don’t let the door knob hit ya!My baby boy is home! Finally home where he belongs! WHOOHOOO!He was released from the hospital at 12:30 am on June 5th. It was a long sleepless night for me. I kept him on the couch right next to me. I was so afraid he’d start vomiting again. Every little noise or movement out of him and I was wide awake, watching, waiting. Nothing. He slept pretty solidly too. He’s been doing great! He’s eating well and keeping it down! He’s going to be just fine. I firmly believe that being at home and around his family, now that he’s stable enough to do so, is going to speed up his recovery immensely. That is the really great thing going on!Outside of that, things are a little tense, a little rough. At least for me.The ex-girlfriend is calling my house again. The question is, why after all this time has she suddenly started calling again? School is out, she’s home for the summer. So, who let her know it would be ok to get back into contact? The behavior has been increasingly back stepping. Back into the immature, pre-teen mentality. I’ve been struggling with being treated rudely and basically like shit for the past month or two. Now, suddenly She’s calling again. It’s the pattern, beginning all over again. The same pattern every year. The first summer we experienced this metamorphosis, he ended up packing up and leaving on his own. No warning, no nothing, just one night I came home from work and all of his stuff was packed up and gone. I made it through last summer, only to get into the beginning of September before I came home at midnight and THREW everything he owned out onto the lawn and told him to have a nice life. I guess the third time is the charm. And, the absolute last!I shouldn’t have taken him back the second time any how.Here is the ”M” for ”MORON”.It looks like I am going to get that office manager position. It’s not been officially confirmed, so watch, I am probably shooting myself in the foot right now. It seems to me though, that my manager wants me in that position and I know he wants me out of the position I am in, so..... I guess right now he’s just waiting to get permission from the big guy to take me out of management and put me back down to food clerk. I like that. Food Clerk..... ahhh the ease of it all. I can get back to really enjoying my job again. I can’t wait! I think I will find out for sure by the end of this week. I close every night this week. Icky schedule. Hopefully, with any luck, the last of such schedules.....

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“Excuse me, ma’am, but, don’t you have anything colder?"I looked at the prim and proper woman standing in front of me feeling as though I’d just stepped out of reality and into an episode of the Twilight Zone.She repeated her question as she shoved the bag of Crystal ice toward me as if to illiterate her question.....Colder than ice? Isn’t ice just about the coldest? She claimed the ice I had offered her was “half melted”. I held up the bag to examine the frozen little pellets of water. Half melted would indicate a bag half full of water. There was no free standing water, only frozen water pellets. “No, ma’am, I think we are out of the really cold stuff today."She huffed and claimed she would be shopping at Fry’s from now on if we can’t even offer decent ice!!!Don’t let the door knob hit ya!My baby boy is home! Finally home where he belongs! WHOOHOOO!He was released from the hospital at 12:30 am on June 5th. It was a long sleepless night for me. I kept him on the couch right next to me. I was so afraid he’d start vomiting again. Every little noise or movement out of him and I was wide awake, watching, waiting. Nothing. He slept pretty solidly too. He’s been doing great! He’s eating well and keeping it down! He’s going to be just fine. I firmly believe that being at home and around his family, now that he’s stable enough to do so, is going to speed up his recovery immensely. That is the really great thing going on!Outside of that, things are a little tense, a little rough. At least for me.The ex-girlfriend is calling my house again. The question is, why after all this time has she suddenly started calling again? School is out, she’s home for the summer. So, who let her know it would be ok to get back into contact? The behavior has been increasingly back stepping. Back into the immature, pre-teen mentality. I’ve been struggling with being treated rudely and basically like shit for the past month or two. Now, suddenly She’s calling again. It’s the pattern, beginning all over again. The same pattern every year. The first summer we experienced this metamorphosis, he ended up packing up and leaving on his own. No warning, no nothing, just one night I came home from work and all of his stuff was packed up and gone. I made it through last summer, only to get into the beginning of September before I came home at midnight and THREW everything he owned out onto the lawn and told him to have a nice life. I guess the third time is the charm. And, the absolute last!I shouldn’t have taken him back the second time any how.Here is the ”M” for ”MORON”.It looks like I am going to get that office manager position. It’s not been officially confirmed, so watch, I am probably shooting myself in the foot right now. It seems to me though, that my manager wants me in that position and I know he wants me out of the position I am in, so..... I guess right now he’s just waiting to get permission from the big guy to take me out of management and put me back down to food clerk. I like that. Food Clerk..... ahhh the ease of it all. I can get back to really enjoying my job again. I can’t wait! I think I will find out for sure by the end of this week. I close every night this week. Icky schedule. Hopefully, with any luck, the last of such schedules.....

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What is it about making a decision to simplify your life is the most stressful decision to make? Does that make any sense?Here I’ve been struggling with the decision to step down at work. My personal life has been riddled with stress and worries, then I go to work and compound the stress to the point that I can’t even think anymore. The decision to step down is to give me a stress free position at work so that I can concentrate on my personal life and try to make life for my children easier, so they aren’t so affected by my stresses. Yet, coming to the decision, approaching the manager with this decision, and making it a reality has stressed me out more than the position has. Only difference really is that it is a temporary stress. Unlike the position, which is stressful every day.I feel like a quitter. I have never been a quitter. Is it so much quitting, or is it more like being a realist and understanding and acknowledging an incompetence in a certain area. We are not perfect, therefore no human is going to master everything they dive into. But, to realize this outwardly, and choose to focus yourself in another direction, is that considered being a quitter?It’s the same with the puppy.He’s having a real hard time coming through this. We are getting to the point where there may have to be a decision made to stop trying to save his life, and let the vet actually take it. I don’t know how I am going to handle that. Again, does that make one a quitter? Or, do we simply continue with treatment that isn’t helping just in the name of “saving” his life, especially when you can’t afford the bills any longer? How much do I let suffer in the name of saving the dog? Car insurance, mortgage, electric, phone? Where’s the line you draw, and when you draw that line, where does that leave you? Feeling as, and labeled as a quitter?

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What is it about making a decision to simplify your life is the most stressful decision to make? Does that make any sense?Here I’ve been struggling with the decision to step down at work. My personal life has been riddled with stress and worries, then I go to work and compound the stress to the point that I can’t even think anymore. The decision to step down is to give me a stress free position at work so that I can concentrate on my personal life and try to make life for my children easier, so they aren’t so affected by my stresses. Yet, coming to the decision, approaching the manager with this decision, and making it a reality has stressed me out more than the position has. Only difference really is that it is a temporary stress. Unlike the position, which is stressful every day.I feel like a quitter. I have never been a quitter. Is it so much quitting, or is it more like being a realist and understanding and acknowledging an incompetence in a certain area. We are not perfect, therefore no human is going to master everything they dive into. But, to realize this outwardly, and choose to focus yourself in another direction, is that considered being a quitter?It’s the same with the puppy.He’s having a real hard time coming through this. We are getting to the point where there may have to be a decision made to stop trying to save his life, and let the vet actually take it. I don’t know how I am going to handle that. Again, does that make one a quitter? Or, do we simply continue with treatment that isn’t helping just in the name of “saving” his life, especially when you can’t afford the bills any longer? How much do I let suffer in the name of saving the dog? Car insurance, mortgage, electric, phone? Where’s the line you draw, and when you draw that line, where does that leave you? Feeling as, and labeled as a quitter?

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*Sigh*Whew, long day.This Parvo thing is really a pain in the ass. Scary? Hell yes, expensive, over the top! Worth it? I guess you’ve never had kids....It’s family. A dog is just like another kid to me. If a kid were sick, wouldn’t you do whatever it took to ensure that they’d be ok in the long run, and then go over board to make sure that it wouldn’t ever happen again!? Of course you would.This is why, I spent two hours spraying down the back yard tonight (yes I waited until it was dark and not 105 degrees out) to disinfect the the backyard before he comes home from the hospital. *crossing fingers* He wasn’t doing so well today. He couldn’t keep any food down, and yesterday he was at least keeping some down, so he’s gone downhill a bit. Tomorrow I am going to have to spray the inside of the house, then I will go over the outside once more. This is a nightmare!I am also experiencing teen-age hood, even though none of my children are there yet. My youngest brother, 16, is staying with me for two weeks while my parents are gone on a cruise to Alaska! *Must be nice!* This has been interesting. It’s my brother. That is so different than it being one of my own children. Yet, it’s giving me a huge lesson on how I would exactly handle certain situations. Like, not ever coming home at night. At 16 years old mind you.Well, he tried to pull that exact routine tonight. My advice to my mother, has always been the same. Call the police and report him missing. Simple as that.When he hadn’t shown up, nor had he called, I finally called him. When he answered the phone, I simply said “In my house in 15 minutes or I will be calling the cops.” He tried to say something about staying the night with so and so because of such and such reason, and I repeated it, “In my house in 15 minutes”. Silence. He said “So,...” As I began again “ 15 minutes or you’ll have a juvenile record.” Then I simply hung up the phone. And guess what? He was in my house in 10 minutes. I have never known him to move that quickly! No, I swear, really! It was actually really funny. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when he did walk in the room. LOLIt’s been a trying couple of days, but I think that I am fairing well. I am way behind on everything, I’ve been a little preoccupied. I had also decided that I am not going to step down at work right now. I am going to trudge along and see what happens. Sometimes I really believe that my scarlet letter is an ”M”. ”M” for Moron.Probably one of my more endearing qualities,too.So, as I am signing off and stumbling to find a pillow, I leave myself wondering, does God really only give us only what we can handle?

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*Sigh*Whew, long day.This Parvo thing is really a pain in the ass. Scary? Hell yes, expensive, over the top! Worth it? I guess you’ve never had kids....It’s family. A dog is just like another kid to me. If a kid were sick, wouldn’t you do whatever it took to ensure that they’d be ok in the long run, and then go over board to make sure that it wouldn’t ever happen again!? Of course you would.This is why, I spent two hours spraying down the back yard tonight (yes I waited until it was dark and not 105 degrees out) to disinfect the the backyard before he comes home from the hospital. *crossing fingers* He wasn’t doing so well today. He couldn’t keep any food down, and yesterday he was at least keeping some down, so he’s gone downhill a bit. Tomorrow I am going to have to spray the inside of the house, then I will go over the outside once more. This is a nightmare!I am also experiencing teen-age hood, even though none of my children are there yet. My youngest brother, 16, is staying with me for two weeks while my parents are gone on a cruise to Alaska! *Must be nice!* This has been interesting. It’s my brother. That is so different than it being one of my own children. Yet, it’s giving me a huge lesson on how I would exactly handle certain situations. Like, not ever coming home at night. At 16 years old mind you.Well, he tried to pull that exact routine tonight. My advice to my mother, has always been the same. Call the police and report him missing. Simple as that.When he hadn’t shown up, nor had he called, I finally called him. When he answered the phone, I simply said “In my house in 15 minutes or I will be calling the cops.” He tried to say something about staying the night with so and so because of such and such reason, and I repeated it, “In my house in 15 minutes”. Silence. He said “So,...” As I began again “ 15 minutes or you’ll have a juvenile record.” Then I simply hung up the phone. And guess what? He was in my house in 10 minutes. I have never known him to move that quickly! No, I swear, really! It was actually really funny. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when he did walk in the room. LOLIt’s been a trying couple of days, but I think that I am fairing well. I am way behind on everything, I’ve been a little preoccupied. I had also decided that I am not going to step down at work right now. I am going to trudge along and see what happens. Sometimes I really believe that my scarlet letter is an ”M”. ”M” for Moron.Probably one of my more endearing qualities,too.So, as I am signing off and stumbling to find a pillow, I leave myself wondering, does God really only give us only what we can handle?

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