Or, how about if I throw myself into a road trip? That outta do it, dontcha think?

Actually, it’s not as bad as it was yesterday, which blew my mind as I haven’t craved really at all since I quit. Odd, don’t you think, that I would crave so intensely this long after the actual physical addiction has passed - leaving behind only the psychological addiction to deal with, which as really not been a factor until yesterday.  Hmm...... No matter. I didn’t cave, I didn’t give the neighbor five dollars for a cig. I just kept ocB on my mind and that worked like a charm!

Then, I focused on the Homecoming Parade that came through town! Seriously folks, you don’t understand what a big deal this was. The kids got out of school two hours early for the parade, and have no school today as a result of it being homecoming weekend. Plus, there is no school on Monday due to Columbus Day. Yeah. The entire town basically shut down yesterday for this parade! Bean came running in the door from school all full of it “Mommy, mommy, can we go, puhhleeeeze!?” Unfortunately, I wasn’t in a great mood yesterday, I hadn’t showered or anything, and had no desire to drive to Main Street, fight traffic and people to sit and watch a parade that in my mind was probably going to be on the lame side.

I know, I am a shit head.

As it turns out, we didn’t have to go anywhere to see the parade. I was putzing around the apartment when I heard the strangest sounding sirens whailing...I looked out the front door and saw a cop car parked all sideways, blocking the road, just up from the apartments. Puzzled, I stood and stared for a minute, still hearing the odd sirens, when it suddenly dawned on me! Omg! The parade was coming up the the next block on it’s way back to the high school, which is right up the road! W00t! We didn’t have to go anywhere but out in the front lawn of the complex and we got to see the whole thing! Bean stood on the corner and got candy thrown at her while I stood nearby and took some snapshots of the parade. It was actually not lame at all, I thought it was great and was real glad that in the end we got to see it.

Today, we are talking about a road trip to Chicago! I am soooo excited! I already have the camera batteries charging, the card formatted, I am ready to go! Time to wander the internet and make a list of things I want to do and see while in the Windy City! Am drooling over the prospect of the shoe shopping I could possibly do too.... I am tingling with anticipation of a fantastic day ahead!


Oh, and if you’re bored and want to see all the pics of a small town Homecoming Parade, you can view them on my flickr here.

Or, how about if I throw myself into a road trip? That outta do it, dontcha think?

Actually, it’s not as bad as it was yesterday, which blew my mind as I haven’t craved really at all since I quit. Odd, don’t you think, that I would crave so intensely this long after the actual physical addiction has passed - leaving behind only the psychological addiction to deal with, which as really not been a factor until yesterday.  Hmm...... No matter. I didn’t cave, I didn’t give the neighbor five dollars for a cig. I just kept ocB on my mind and that worked like a charm!

Then, I focused on the Homecoming Parade that came through town! Seriously folks, you don’t understand what a big deal this was. The kids got out of school two hours early for the parade, and have no school today as a result of it being homecoming weekend. Plus, there is no school on Monday due to Columbus Day. Yeah. The entire town basically shut down yesterday for this parade! Bean came running in the door from school all full of it “Mommy, mommy, can we go, puhhleeeeze!?” Unfortunately, I wasn’t in a great mood yesterday, I hadn’t showered or anything, and had no desire to drive to Main Street, fight traffic and people to sit and watch a parade that in my mind was probably going to be on the lame side.

I know, I am a shit head.

As it turns out, we didn’t have to go anywhere to see the parade. I was putzing around the apartment when I heard the strangest sounding sirens whailing...I looked out the front door and saw a cop car parked all sideways, blocking the road, just up from the apartments. Puzzled, I stood and stared for a minute, still hearing the odd sirens, when it suddenly dawned on me! Omg! The parade was coming up the the next block on it’s way back to the high school, which is right up the road! W00t! We didn’t have to go anywhere but out in the front lawn of the complex and we got to see the whole thing! Bean stood on the corner and got candy thrown at her while I stood nearby and took some snapshots of the parade. It was actually not lame at all, I thought it was great and was real glad that in the end we got to see it.

Today, we are talking about a road trip to Chicago! I am soooo excited! I already have the camera batteries charging, the card formatted, I am ready to go! Time to wander the internet and make a list of things I want to do and see while in the Windy City! Am drooling over the prospect of the shoe shopping I could possibly do too.... I am tingling with anticipation of a fantastic day ahead!


Oh, and if you’re bored and want to see all the pics of a small town Homecoming Parade, you can view them on my flickr here.

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful lady I have ever had the opportunity to meet! I feel so blessed every day that I have been graced with the knowledge of her love, of her wisdom, of her humor and her warmth. God has given the world a most amazing gift when he presented it with you, “E”.  I am so sorry I missed your day!! I would have sent a cookie bouquet in the shape of shoes of course! Or, shoe balloons, or shoes...even though I don’t know your size!

Any how, Happy Belated Birthday! You are now on my calendar and not another year will go by without me knowing it’s your day!

I love you!!!

xoxoxoxoxox!

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful lady I have ever had the opportunity to meet! I feel so blessed every day that I have been graced with the knowledge of her love, of her wisdom, of her humor and her warmth. God has given the world a most amazing gift when he presented it with you, “E”.  I am so sorry I missed your day!! I would have sent a cookie bouquet in the shape of shoes of course! Or, shoe balloons, or shoes...even though I don’t know your size!

Any how, Happy Belated Birthday! You are now on my calendar and not another year will go by without me knowing it’s your day!

I love you!!!

xoxoxoxoxox!

Never take “No” for an answer. Never let anyone tell you that you “can’t” do it. Never think at any point that something is “impossible”. Never feel within your heart that you’ve come to the end of your ramp. I mean, really. Take Rocky for example. If ever there were a person who should truly just give it up, is at the end of their ramp, it would be him, don’t you think? Inspirational, I say!

It’s only truth if you believe it to be. The ramp only ends if you have convinced yourself that there is no way to keep trudging forth into whatever new adventure life has in store for you. So far, I have learned that when you feel that there is no where else for you to go, nothing else for you to do, that’s when you simply must begin to get creative, that’s all. Maybe the next path isn’t clearly written out for you in black and white, such as the ease of breathing without thought. This time, you just might have to sit and think on it for a spell. Ahhh! Whadda concept, no? Think on it.....Analyze it. Move through it if not over it or under it. In life, until death, that ramp never ends. We just give up on following it when it’s not a clearly marked path, and that is sad.

There have been many times in my life when the path before me is not as clear as I’d like it to be. Sometimes, as it’s been known to happen, others around me have known of the path ahead long before I have stumbled up on it, but the point being, I kept looking. I kept searching for a way to continue, to learn and to grow. As a human, I feel, that if you quit expanding yourself, you quit learning and reshaping your mind, you might as well be dead. The world is too big of a place with way too much to do and see to sit idle and think “this is it, this is all there is”. Horse pucky. Not unless you’re six feet under, and even then there are those that would argue whether you’ve truly reached the of the ramp or not.

I have found in life that those who do forge forth, those who seek out the adventure and embrace it at every bend are the ones that create feelings of disdain and hatred in others. Is it because those who create these black feelings towards the adventurer are jealous of their spirit? Is it because they then feel “left behind”? I suppose I couldn’t really say for sure, as I am not one of those people, but I can say that sometimes it’s a little hard to wrap my mind around. I have seen this kind of thing stop someone in their tracks before too, keeping them from whatever lies ahead and holding them back in order to please the ones who become idle with anger and contempt. It took me a spell, but I did finally figure out that you can’t please everybody in life, and the more you try to do just that, the more miserable you will make yourself. Yes, that is a lesson I learned first hand. It only took me 32 years to figure that one out. And even now, shadows of that old demon still linger in the recesses of my soul from time to time.

I choose not to sit around on my duff and wait for life to find me. I choose to seek out my own happiness, my own adventures, rather than to sit around hoping that fate is going to deliver them to me wrapped in pretty packaging and a nice big bow. For me, there is no end to my ramp. My ramp stretches out before me like a beacon, calling, urging, pushing me forward, always forward. Sitting idle for too long gets me into trouble. My spirit gets restless, my soul aches to reach out and grab hold of life before it passes me by. I know there will come a day that I must slow down, as my physical body won’t allow for so many adventures and my mind may make it difficult for me to absorb and retain new knowledge. When that time comes, you will find me in a rocking chair on a huge porch somewhere telling my grandbabies the stories of my great adventure: my own life. I also choose not to allow those who attempt to wrap their evil darkened hatred around my wings and stifle me for their own gain to succeed. I shrug them from my life as raindrops from my rain coat. Small inconveniences in the grand scheme.

Every sunrise that I wake on the upside of the dirt, I am in good shape. It’s a new chance for new adventures and a new length of ramp to be explored, and I thank God for every new opportunity. I also thank God for those who choose to come along for the ride and not selfishly hold me back, for they are the ones who are truly meant to be in my life.

Never take “No” for an answer. Never let anyone tell you that you “can’t” do it. Never think at any point that something is “impossible”. Never feel within your heart that you’ve come to the end of your ramp. I mean, really. Take Rocky for example. If ever there were a person who should truly just give it up, is at the end of their ramp, it would be him, don’t you think? Inspirational, I say!

It’s only truth if you believe it to be. The ramp only ends if you have convinced yourself that there is no way to keep trudging forth into whatever new adventure life has in store for you. So far, I have learned that when you feel that there is no where else for you to go, nothing else for you to do, that’s when you simply must begin to get creative, that’s all. Maybe the next path isn’t clearly written out for you in black and white, such as the ease of breathing without thought. This time, you just might have to sit and think on it for a spell. Ahhh! Whadda concept, no? Think on it.....Analyze it. Move through it if not over it or under it. In life, until death, that ramp never ends. We just give up on following it when it’s not a clearly marked path, and that is sad.

There have been many times in my life when the path before me is not as clear as I’d like it to be. Sometimes, as it’s been known to happen, others around me have known of the path ahead long before I have stumbled up on it, but the point being, I kept looking. I kept searching for a way to continue, to learn and to grow. As a human, I feel, that if you quit expanding yourself, you quit learning and reshaping your mind, you might as well be dead. The world is too big of a place with way too much to do and see to sit idle and think “this is it, this is all there is”. Horse pucky. Not unless you’re six feet under, and even then there are those that would argue whether you’ve truly reached the of the ramp or not.

I have found in life that those who do forge forth, those who seek out the adventure and embrace it at every bend are the ones that create feelings of disdain and hatred in others. Is it because those who create these black feelings towards the adventurer are jealous of their spirit? Is it because they then feel “left behind”? I suppose I couldn’t really say for sure, as I am not one of those people, but I can say that sometimes it’s a little hard to wrap my mind around. I have seen this kind of thing stop someone in their tracks before too, keeping them from whatever lies ahead and holding them back in order to please the ones who become idle with anger and contempt. It took me a spell, but I did finally figure out that you can’t please everybody in life, and the more you try to do just that, the more miserable you will make yourself. Yes, that is a lesson I learned first hand. It only took me 32 years to figure that one out. And even now, shadows of that old demon still linger in the recesses of my soul from time to time.

I choose not to sit around on my duff and wait for life to find me. I choose to seek out my own happiness, my own adventures, rather than to sit around hoping that fate is going to deliver them to me wrapped in pretty packaging and a nice big bow. For me, there is no end to my ramp. My ramp stretches out before me like a beacon, calling, urging, pushing me forward, always forward. Sitting idle for too long gets me into trouble. My spirit gets restless, my soul aches to reach out and grab hold of life before it passes me by. I know there will come a day that I must slow down, as my physical body won’t allow for so many adventures and my mind may make it difficult for me to absorb and retain new knowledge. When that time comes, you will find me in a rocking chair on a huge porch somewhere telling my grandbabies the stories of my great adventure: my own life. I also choose not to allow those who attempt to wrap their evil darkened hatred around my wings and stifle me for their own gain to succeed. I shrug them from my life as raindrops from my rain coat. Small inconveniences in the grand scheme.

Every sunrise that I wake on the upside of the dirt, I am in good shape. It’s a new chance for new adventures and a new length of ramp to be explored, and I thank God for every new opportunity. I also thank God for those who choose to come along for the ride and not selfishly hold me back, for they are the ones who are truly meant to be in my life.

It doesn’t seem possible, really. On one hand it seems like just yesterday that my sweet BTP came flying into my life, no holds barred, breaking all the rules along the way. On the other, it seems eons ago that I held such a tiny and delicate infant, on the verge, wondering if we would ever make it to this beautiful day.

Her 16th Birthday! And, here we are. Today my Beautiful Teenage Princess turns 16 years old! Wow. Makes me feel super old too, sheesh. Ok, I choose NOT to think about that part, mmkay? Cool.

Watching her grow and become the amazing young woman that she has become has been such a privilege for me. I am so proud of everything that she is, and everything that she has the potential of becoming that I can’t wait to watch the next 16 years! When I was told she wasn’t going to live past the first 24 hours, I became determined to fight for her no matter what. I have never backed off that promise I made to her and to God 16 years ago. His love has brought her this far. His love will continue to carry her.

I don’t think I have ever known a teenager quite like her. She has such a good nature about her. Her inner strength is quiet and reserved, but you see it deep in her eyes if you look hard enough. She is kind and compassionate. She actually experiences empathy for others, something that most folks these days don’t even know the meaning of, let alone find within their hearts. She strives to help those she can, and be there for anyone who may need. She excels at being a human, she is the kind of person that most strive their entire lives to be and never achieve, and yet, here in 16 short years she has done so. With style, and with grace.

She is beautiful beyond compare. She has a natural beauty that just radiates from her soul. Not just an outer beauty, but her inner beauty is deep and directly seeded. Her eyes speak of an old soul, her quiet confidence teeters on the wire at times - she is humble and at the same time she knows that no matter what, if she sets her mind to it, she can accomplish anything. I truly believe that anyone who gets a chance to meet her will walk away from her a little better for having met her.

I have been accused before of treating her like my best friend. I know I am her mother first and foremost, but I will admit, I do not think it’s a bad thing if my teenage daughter thinks of me as her friend. There is a level of friendship that a mother must have with her daughter in order to build and retain the kind of trust it takes to raise teenagers in this day and age, and I couldn’t ever have asked for a better daughter than the one I have in BTP. I believe that part of the strength of our relationship comes from the bond that we created throughout her birth and the years that followed. She wasn’t a normal birth - hers was one fraught with fear, worry, fight, prayer, and the ever present knowledge that death could be imminent. Learning, growing, and fighting along side of her within the watchful eyes of the Lord, her and I created a mother-daughter bond that no one else on this planet could ever understand unless they have been through that kind of situation. I am blessed for it, I am a better person for it and for having her in my life, and I thank God every single day that He decided I should be this special girl’s mother. I was chosen, and just as He chose me, I am humbled to even be considered a friend to this angel I nick named Peanut at birth. My precious princess peanut.

BTP, I love you so much my girl! I am so very proud of you! My heart is so full right now, so full watching the teenager you are, anticipating the woman that you shall become, and feeling the honor within my soul for being the giving this fantastic opportunity of being your mother. You are amazing, sweetheart. I pray that your 16th birthday is everything you ever thought it could be! Such an amazing milestone in your life, and one that you should cherish and carry with you in your heart for the rest of your life!  You are my life, girl. I love you so very much. Happy, happy 16th birthday my baby girl! I cannot imagine my life without you. I have been by your side for 16 years, and I will be there for the 16 and then some!

If y’all would like, head on over to BTP’s blog and leave her some Happy Birthday messages! I know she would get a huge kick out of it!  Thx! Y’all rock!

It doesn’t seem possible, really. On one hand it seems like just yesterday that my sweet BTP came flying into my life, no holds barred, breaking all the rules along the way. On the other, it seems eons ago that I held such a tiny and delicate infant, on the verge, wondering if we would ever make it to this beautiful day.

Her 16th Birthday! And, here we are. Today my Beautiful Teenage Princess turns 16 years old! Wow. Makes me feel super old too, sheesh. Ok, I choose NOT to think about that part, mmkay? Cool.

Watching her grow and become the amazing young woman that she has become has been such a privilege for me. I am so proud of everything that she is, and everything that she has the potential of becoming that I can’t wait to watch the next 16 years! When I was told she wasn’t going to live past the first 24 hours, I became determined to fight for her no matter what. I have never backed off that promise I made to her and to God 16 years ago. His love has brought her this far. His love will continue to carry her.

I don’t think I have ever known a teenager quite like her. She has such a good nature about her. Her inner strength is quiet and reserved, but you see it deep in her eyes if you look hard enough. She is kind and compassionate. She actually experiences empathy for others, something that most folks these days don’t even know the meaning of, let alone find within their hearts. She strives to help those she can, and be there for anyone who may need. She excels at being a human, she is the kind of person that most strive their entire lives to be and never achieve, and yet, here in 16 short years she has done so. With style, and with grace.

She is beautiful beyond compare. She has a natural beauty that just radiates from her soul. Not just an outer beauty, but her inner beauty is deep and directly seeded. Her eyes speak of an old soul, her quiet confidence teeters on the wire at times - she is humble and at the same time she knows that no matter what, if she sets her mind to it, she can accomplish anything. I truly believe that anyone who gets a chance to meet her will walk away from her a little better for having met her.

I have been accused before of treating her like my best friend. I know I am her mother first and foremost, but I will admit, I do not think it’s a bad thing if my teenage daughter thinks of me as her friend. There is a level of friendship that a mother must have with her daughter in order to build and retain the kind of trust it takes to raise teenagers in this day and age, and I couldn’t ever have asked for a better daughter than the one I have in BTP. I believe that part of the strength of our relationship comes from the bond that we created throughout her birth and the years that followed. She wasn’t a normal birth - hers was one fraught with fear, worry, fight, prayer, and the ever present knowledge that death could be imminent. Learning, growing, and fighting along side of her within the watchful eyes of the Lord, her and I created a mother-daughter bond that no one else on this planet could ever understand unless they have been through that kind of situation. I am blessed for it, I am a better person for it and for having her in my life, and I thank God every single day that He decided I should be this special girl’s mother. I was chosen, and just as He chose me, I am humbled to even be considered a friend to this angel I nick named Peanut at birth. My precious princess peanut.

BTP, I love you so much my girl! I am so very proud of you! My heart is so full right now, so full watching the teenager you are, anticipating the woman that you shall become, and feeling the honor within my soul for being the giving this fantastic opportunity of being your mother. You are amazing, sweetheart. I pray that your 16th birthday is everything you ever thought it could be! Such an amazing milestone in your life, and one that you should cherish and carry with you in your heart for the rest of your life!  You are my life, girl. I love you so very much. Happy, happy 16th birthday my baby girl! I cannot imagine my life without you. I have been by your side for 16 years, and I will be there for the 16 and then some!

If y’all would like, head on over to BTP’s blog and leave her some Happy Birthday messages! I know she would get a huge kick out of it!  Thx! Y’all rock!

Sometimes silliness is just what the dr. ordered.

Sometimes silliness is just what the dr. ordered.